Surpressed
by Jediya
Summary: After an odd dream Sam lapses into a coma and begins to relive a memory locked away in his subconscious. Meanwhile, Dean tries to deal with the situation and realises that if Sam remembers, their lives could be very different. AU
1. Chapter 1

_This is an AU of the tv series Supernatural - it takes place during the first half of season 1 (I'm thinking sometime before 'Home')._

I don't own the Winchesters (I tried to steal Dean but Sam got in the way grr) or the show or anything affiliated with Supernatural.

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**Teaser:**_  
"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back. Now Dean, go!"_

_Sam remembered this - the night everything had changed, the night mom had died. He remembered what it was like to see through his young eyes, his mother hanging from the ceiling above him.  
This time was different though - he saw his mother on the ceiling but he wasn't a baby, barely months old, he was young seeming around 3 or 4 - that wasn't right...was it?_

_Confusion flooded his mind and then just as another drop of blood fell on him , he heard the sound of a baby crying...a baby that wasn't him. Then his father was in the room followed by a dark headed boy of around 7 or 8 - now that wasn't right either...he wasn't Dean! Where was Dean? Who the hell was this other boy?_

_Suddenly he was being lifting from his bed and set down next to the elder boy and something small and moving was placed into his arms._

_"Take your brothers outside as fast as you can! Don't look back. Now Mark, go!"_

_Sam looked down at the bundle in his arms to see the wide green eyes of a baby..._

Sam jolted awake and let out a loud gasp. Breathing heavily he glance around the dark motel room before his eyes fell upon the still form of his brother. He watched Dean sleep, trying to calm his racing heart.

"What the hell kind of freaking dream was that!?!"

_  
_

_**End of Teaser**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the reviews...I made a little mistake in the last part, should've said set after home not before. Anyway here's the next part...I just want to apoligise in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes AND for the short chapters._

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**Part 1:**

After his dream, Sam hadn't been able to get back to sleep - his mind was too awake now as he tried to work out what the dream was all about. The pain had hit soon afterwards, a sharp pain deep in his skull. He groaned, running a hand through his dark unruly hair, and glanced again at the sleeping form in the other bed.

Why had the memory been all messed up? Who the hell was Mark? Or the baby for that matter? And where the hell had Dean been?

He rubbed his temples and slowly got out of bed, careful not to make too much noise and wake Dean. Once in the bathroom he splashed cold water on his face and proceeded to take some much needed Aspirin. Suddenly the screaming face of his mother flashed before his eyes and he jolted, almost falling over before promptly throwing up.

He didn't hear the bathroom door open, nor the soft footsteps as his brother entered the room - having been wakened by Sam throwing up.

"Sam...you ok?"

Sam straightened up and turned catching a glance of Dean's worried green eyes - he frowned, imagining those eyes wide and fearful and looking up at him. The pain suddenly lanced through his skull again and he let out a gasp, screwing his eyes up in pain.

"Sam! Sammy talk to me!" Dean cried, his voice tinged with worry as he moved to steady his brother. Sam just held his head in his hands not even attempting to answer.

You're scaring me Sam." That got Sam's attention and he slowly opened his pain-filled eyes to look at his brother.

"I'm alright," he whispered, "its just a headache."

"Its more than just a headache Sam," Dean replied, gently guiding the taller Winchester to one of the beds and out of the bathroom.

"Vision?" Sam sighed at the question and went to shake the head but thinking better of it he opened his mouth and replied.

"No...not a vision, he said tiredly, "something else...weird...dream..." he began to slur, his head listing to one side.

"Sam!" Dean cried out, shaking him slightly to try and get his attention. Suddenly, without warning, Sam's eyes snapped open. Glazed hazel eyes stared into worried green ones.

"Dean...who's Mark?"

And then he passed out...


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again for all the reviews - this got a bigger response than I thought it would. On our board '4 Times the Charm' I keep getting moaned at that I do too many cliff hangers...but they're fun _

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**  
Part 2:**

He'd asked about Mark...Sam had actually asked about Mark. Did that mean he had finally remembered? No, if he'd remembered he wouldn't have asked who Mark was...if he'd remembered he would have killed Dean and cursed their father. So, what did this mean then?

Dean Winchester didn't know what to do. He'd awoken to find his brother sick and in pain and then he'd passed out. _Right before he'd asked you about Mark. _He'd panicked when he couldn't wake Sam up and that was why he was currently in hospital - awaiting news.

He had rang Dad earlier but shut the phone off without leaving a message...not being sure what he would've said anyway. He wondered if Dad knew this would happen.

He was brought out of his musings by the arrival of the doctor. Now what name had he given the hospital this time.

"Mr Winchester?" Oh right, panic and worry had caused him to give their real ones this time.

"Umm yeah?" _Great response Dean._

"I'm Dr. Adams. I'm the doctor working on your brother..."

"Is he going to be ok?" Dean interrupted, silently pleading for Sam to be ok.

"Your brother is in a self-induced coma..." the doctor replied.

Dean frowned in confusion, "self-induced? You mean Sam's put himself in a coma - why would he do that?"

"Mr Winchester...Sam isn't consciously doing this..."

"But you just said..."

The doctor sighed and looked sympathically at Dean. "Let me explain, a self-induced coma is where a person's subconscious refuses to let them awaken," she said gently, stopping to make sure Dean was follwing her. "Now, sometimes this can happen because a person has lost the will to live or maybe due to a surpressed memory, buried away and forgotten, trying to resurface. In you brother's case, I believe it's the latter."

"A memory." Dean seemed to turn this over in his mind for a while before speaking again. "How long will he be out?"

"There's no way to be sure. It could be days, weeks, months...he could regain consciousness and remember the memory or not remember..."

"But he _will_ wake up?" Dean asked forcefully.

Again the Doctor sighed and gave the young man a sympathic look. "Its too early to tell...but if he can accept the memory or memories, then he will regain consciousness sooner."

"Ok." It was a small sound and the doctor felt her heart breaking at the lost expression on the suddenly very young man's face - it had her wondering just how old he was.

"You can sit with him if you'd like?" she offered softly. Dean nodded, "Thanks Doc" and tried to force a smile.

----

Upon entering the room Dean's breath caught in his throat at the sight of his brother lying pale and in a coma...a self-induced coma he reminded himself.

"Hey Sam, you gonna wake up anytime soon?" He swallowed slowly and sat down in the chair next to Sam's bed. "Sam, I know you like brooding and beating yourself up but putting yourself in a coma is a bit much... even for you." He smiled softly at the weak jibe but the smile faded just as soon as it had appeared.

"Please wake up Sam..."


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the wait on this part, I changed a bit of dialogue to tie in with the recent episode shown here in the UK - 'Everyone loves a clown' I think it was called._

**Part 3:**

_18 year old Sam Winchester held the shotgun in his hands and waited with bated breath. He felt someone shift next to him but didn't glance over._

_"Something's wrong." He heard the person next to him say. "They should've been back by now..."_

_"They'll be here, don't worry so much" Sam replied, glancing at the front door of the motel they were staying in._

_"Hey, you're the worrier not me...nothing worries or scares me" the other replied, shifting next to Sam._

_Sam laughed softly. "Yeah, so what about flying then?"_

_"I'm not scared of flying..." Was the predictable reply._

_"You so are!"_

_There was a pause and then a huff before the other spoke again. "Yeah well...at least I'm not scared of something stupid...like clowns."_

_"They're just freaky...how can anyone find them fun, they all look like homicidal maniacs!"_

_"Whatever.."_

_"Yeah whatever...shorty." That earned him a punch to the arm and he laughed softly before silence descended once more. The waiting beginning to worry him...what _was_ taking them so long?"_

_--_

Dean jolted awake crying out his brother's name. Sleep-filled eyes looked confused around the room before settling on the doctor, who had been in the process of checking on Sam.

"How is he?" he asked her.

"Still in a coma I'm afraid but better than he was." She cast soft motherly eyes upon the worried young man. "You should go and get something to eat...I'll let you know if there's any change."

Dean thanked her and giving Sam one last look he left the room. Food was the last thing on his mind though, there was no way he'd be able to eat at this time. Instead, he chose to phone their father again. At the sound of the familiar answer machine message, this time he didn't hang up and left a message.

"Dad, it's Dean. Sam's...he's in hospital dad. Doc says it's a self-induced coma caused by a...a supressed memory - he's been out for two days now." Dean swallowed softly before continuing. "Before he passed out he...he asked about Mark. I don't know what to do...I need you Dad...please." With that, he hung up and headed back to Sam's room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 4:**

_"Do you think something's happened to them?" Sam sighed at the question and shook his head._

_"I'm sure everything's fine - Dad and Mark know what they're doing." he replied._

_"But what if..."_

_"They're fine!" They have to be, he added silently, not wanting to voice his doubt outloud to the other occupant of the room._

_Just then, the motel door flew open and John Winchester burst in carrying a dark-haired young man with him._

_"Sam, keep that shotgun handy...Dean run and get the first aid kit" John ordered, leaving no room for discussion. Sam watched as a small sandy-haired boy moved from his side to get the first aid kit._

_John took the kit from the boy and whilst rooting through it spoke to Sam._

_"Sammy, something may have followed us," he said directly, as he pulled some bandages and alcohol out of the kit. "I want you to shoot whatever comes through that door understand?"_

_Sam nodded fingering the trigger. He glanced over at the hurt young man, noticing the deep jaggered claw-marked cuts across his chest and the blood tinging his lips._

_"Mark, son, can you hear me?" John asked, as he proceeded to treat the injuries, aided by the 14 year old boy at his side. "Everything's going to be alright...you're going to be fine son."_

-----

The sound of Dean's phone ringing had him jumping and fumbling to answer it. When he did so he was flooded with a sense of relief upon hearing the familiar deep tone.

"Dean?"

"Dad!"

He heard John sigh in relief on the other end of the phone. "How's Sammy?"

"Still in a coma..."

John sighed, hearing the worry and fear in his son's voice. "Dean, listen to me- I'm coming." He ignored the slight hitch in his son's breath at the shocking revelation that John Winchester was actually coming to the aid of his sons. "Now, tell me where you are..."

Dean took a deep steadying breath, trying to get over the initial shock brought on by his father's words, and then told him where they were.

---

After his conversation with their father, Dean returned to his vigil next to Sam's bed.

"Sam, dad's on his way here." he told his unconscious brother. "So, if you two could be civil to each other during his visit that'd be great. I mean after four years of non-contact you should be able to at least be in the same room right?"

He looked at Sam and shook his head...this was his fault. If he hadn't turned up at Stanford and dragged his brother away from his normal life, Sam would be training to be a hotshot lawyer. Instead, he was lying comatosed in an hospital bed plagued by a memory of a life that he had tried so hard to leave behind. A memory that could change everything Sam thought he knew of his past and family life. A memory that Dean had envied his brother many times for being able to 'forget'.

"I'm sorry I brought you back into this life Sammy" Dean whispered, holding his head in his hands.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 5:**

When John Winchester arrived at the hospital he didn't know what to expect. When he'd heard the message from Dean about Sam, his first instinct was to; as always; believe his sons would be alright on their own - hunting the demon that had killed Mary being his priority. That had all changed when Dean had mentioned Mark. If Sam was remembering then John didn't want Dean having to deal with it on his own and so he had made the decision to journey to the hospital.

"Dad?" John turned to see Dean standing there, pale and disheveled - from sleep deprivation and worry more then likely.

"Where's Sammy, Dean?" he asked, as usual getting straight down to the business at hand. Dean, being Dean, just nodded with a raised eyebrow and lead his father to Sam.

John's throat constricted at the sight of his son lying in an hospital bed. If it wasn't for the beeping of the heart monitor John would've believed him dead.

"Hey Sammy - you going to wake up and lecture dad on his poor parenting skills?"

John laughed softly at Dean's attempt to sound unbothered by the situation. Sam had always been the easy one to deal with where emotions were concerned. He took after his old man by letting them out and showing them constantly. Dean, however, took after his mother; Mary; - choosing to bury his feelings deep down and acting as if everything was 'water off a duck's back'. The problem was with all those buried feelings, there was always the constant wondering,,,when would there be the explosion?

John wondered just how close Dean was to officially 'losing it'.

"Oh Sammy..." John breathed out, glancing at his son. "What's going on in your head son." He sat down next to the hospital bed and got Dean to tell him everything that had happened leading up to now.

-----

_"Mark, son, can you hear me?" John asked, as he proceeded to treat the injuries, aided by the 14 year old boy at his side. "Everything's going to be alright...you're going to be fine son."_

_Sam was feeling a great deal of confusion, it was as if he was two seperate people. One seemed to know what was going on and was caught between doing as his father had asked and rushing to his 'brother's' side. The other Sam was confused by the whole ordeal, not sure who this 'Mark' was or of what was happening - last he remembered he was travelling with his brother Dean in search of their father...his elder brother Dean...not this strange 14 year old kid he saw now._

"...Sammy...in your head son..." _Sam looked around him as the strange disembodied voice floated around him. A quick glance at the others indicated that he was the only one that had heard it. Oddly enough it had sounded like his dad._

_His musings were interrupted by a deep growling and something slamming hard into the motel door. "Sammy don't let that thing close enough to bite you...that shotgun's loaded with silver rounds...make them count", he heard his father say to him. As if on auto-pilot Sam leveled the shotgun at the door and waited._

_The door began to splinter and the growling and snarling intensified. Then a large clawed paw-like hand burst through the door and scrapped back, taking half the door with it. Sam got his first look at the huge form of the werewolf and aimed the gun at the creature's heart..._

-----

"And he actually asked you who Mark was?" John asked, looking pointedly at Dean.

Dean nodded and glanced over at Sam, looking for any sign of response from his brother. "Do you think he's finally remembering?"

"Could be. Doctor's said he'd either remember in time or never" his dad replied.

"Sam's gonna be mad when he wakes up" Dean replied with a small grin. John didn't voice aloud his thoughts of "if he wakes up..."  



	7. Chapter 7

**Part 6**

"Sam's gonna be mad..."

_As Sam levelled the shotgun to take the killing shot, he heard the whispered familiar tones of Dean...his older brother Dean...not the younger version present in the room now. He stilled his trigger finger and glanced around, as if expecting adult Dean to be standing there. _

_Suddenly the hinges on the door buckled and John's shout echoed around the room..."For god's sake Sam kill it!!" Without any thought, Sam pulled the trigger, the silver bullet flying out of the gun's chamber and piercing the beast's heart as it burst through the splintered door. The werewolf grunted in pain and managed another couple of steps towards its 'prey' before rocking and keeling over right at Sam's feet._

_Sam looked down at the beast and watched as it morphed, its body changing to fit that of a middle-aged man. He didn't have time to think anything of it, as his dad began shouting for him to help them._

_"Sammy, hold him down" John ordered, indicating the writhing pain-filled young man lying wounded on the ground. Dropping the shotgun, Sam knelt down and gripped his arms, attempting to hold him down. It was only then, close to the young man, that he noticed that the claw marks weren't the only wound...the deep bite mark on the right shoulder was evident to him now. _

_Sam looked at John and he returned the look with one of pure angst..._

-----

John got up from the chair at Sam's bedside in order to stretch his aching legs. He glanced back to look at one comatose son and the other near unconscious - he smiled softly at Dean as the younger Winchester slept with his head resting on Sam's bed. He guessed that this was the first time; since Sam had passed out; that Dean had allowed himself to actually sleep. _"He must feel that with me here he can relax a bit"_ John thought to himself, running a hand lightly through Dean's blondish hair.

Four years ago, when the doctors had first informed him that Sam had suffered post-traumatic stress and his mind had opted to alter his perception of events, John hadn't known how to react. He figured what they had meant was that Sam had just forgotten what had happened to Mark. Unfortunately, the mind was a complex thing and matters had not been as simple as John had first believed.

He remembered Dean's reaction to it all and felt his heart constrict in his chest...that poor boy had been through so much in his life and, not for the first time, John was wondering if he'd forced too much responsibility onto him.

John sighed and moved to the opposite side of the bed to Dean and brushed some locks of Sam's hair from his forehead, a sad expression crossing his features when there was no response to the touch.

-----

_Sam looked startled and could've sworn he'd just felt something brush his hair, he frowned and shook his head before telling himself he was acting like a complete idiot._

"_Dad…"_

"_I know Sam"_

"_But dad…"_

"_I said I know Sam!" John yelled, glaring at his son. "I know…"_

_-----_

"Dad…"

John's eyes snapped up to meet the unresponsive face of his son…the comatose son that had just mumbled something.

"Sammy, was that you?" He tried not to get too hopeful; he could've easily imagined it.

"…dad…"

There he'd seen the lips move himself. Sam had just spoken…he was responding.

"Sam…Sammy…can you hear me son?" John cried, gripping his son's hand and willing him to speak again.

"Dad. What's going on?" John turned his head and smiled at Dean, who had just woken up.

"Sam spoke Dean…he spoke!"

Dean looked shocked and stared at Sam, a hopeful expression upon his face. John patted him on shoulder before running off to get Dr. Adams.


End file.
